Interviews

Harry Cutress – ‘An Insight into the Life of a Dating Coach’

Ellie Birch

For the purpose of our readers, would you mind telling us a little bit about what you do within your career?

Absolutely, so I’m often referred to as a “dating coach”, or “relationship coach” or words to that effect. But I don’t really like that as a label, purely because I don’t claim to have any specific expertise when it comes to dating or relationships. (Although, I am in a very happy relationship now with an amazing woman that I hope to marry soon and have a child on the way with.) Instead, I focus more on attraction, and how to be more attractive, as well as confident. Social anxiety and a number of other mindset issues that I’ve seen are often holding people back from having the lives they truly want.

How did you come about following this career path?

Completely by accident. I suffered with anxiety and shyness, as well as low self-esteem for almost my entire childhood and teenage years until eventually I hit rock-bottom and decided enough was enough. I then set about learning how I could better address my own problems and fix them over the next few years (and it is something I will most likely be working on forever). Then, when people saw the results I was getting in dating, in my social circle and in jobs I had, I was asked for my advice to help them achieve the same results. It spiralled from there, and I realised I was in a position to both actually provide a significant value to other people, as well as build a career out of it.

What do you enjoy most about being a dating coach?

Seeing the improvements and transformations in my clients, and hearing the success stories after that. I have one client in particular, who I shan’t name but will call “Ralph” for the purpose of this story, who I started coaching when he was doing his masters degree in computer science. He had never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl and hated his social life, and how he never felt like he had to the ability to spend his time with like-minded people. I received an email from “Ralph” a few months after our coaching sessions and was delighted to hear that not only did he now have a social circle he thrived as well as a girlfriend, but even a job offer – all as a result of new-found confidence and charisma that could finally come across. He is much happier with his life and feels as though he can now live on his own terms. He is now building the life he has always wanted.

We know that you have been writing some books. How have you found the writing process?

Incredibly difficult. I’m not a very structured or hyper-disciplined person, which is something I’ve had to take into account with how I run my business. The writing process definitely exposed this flaw on another level.

I have to allow myself the freedom to write whenever inspiration hits me and not try to force anything by setting aside time for it, which ultimately has resulted in hundreds of scraps of paper piled up near my bedside table, and I have countless voice memos and notes made on my phone.

Piecing everything together and making it flow correctly has certainly been one of the biggest struggles I’ve faced with this business.

How would you like to expand your business and progression switching your career in the next ten years? Do you have any plans to become more successful within your work?

Absolutely, I have new ideas how to expand and grow almost weekly, the hard part is picking a direction to head in long enough to test its viability rather than jumping straight onto the next idea that excites or interests me.

That said, I currently feel the progression of my coaching is towards seminars and bootcamps I would run at regular intervals, where I can bring numerous clients together, to learn from each other and realise that they are not alone in their journeys. I would also bring in a variety of expert speakers to discuss specific tops both directly related to what I teach and also more tangentially related to health and well-being in general.

Is there anything you might’ve changed if you could go back back in time? What sort of advice would you give your younger-self, in terms of career?

Without a doubt, I’d like to tell my younger-self that it’s ok to make mistakes and admit to flaws, and I don’t have to have all the answers.

I put a lot of pressure on myself when I first started, I wanted to be the best in the industry, and the most famous. I wanted to never make any mistakes. Instead, I should have accepted that I have decades left on this planet, and I should focus on getting better each day. I should have trusted the process and realised that with time and effort, as well as the right people around me, I will achieve everything I have set out to do.

I’d also have told myself not to have given up on my former YouTube channel so quickly, who knows what it could have grow into now and how many more people could be reached and hopefully helped as a result.

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